Last night my son found himself afraid. His friend had shown him a few “Bloody Mary” videos on YouTube and he couldn’t understand why he was so afraid and his friend wasn’t. He was quiet and reflective and finally asked, “Why do I seem more afraid of more things that some of my friends?”. I had no idea he knew this about himself but was delighted he was both aware of it and could articulate it. I decided to let him know he was not alone, that fear is a normal human reaction but it is how we deal with it that matters most. Here’s what I took him through:

What is fear, anyways?

Fear is being afraid of anything (mostly something dangerous or painful) and have the feeling of anxiety. Fear can be triggered at anything …a spider, a scary movie, the dark, heights, speaking aloud in front of a large group, or anything that anyone is afraid of. We have fear because we are human. And fear is a basic emotion in humans. We had fear from the moment we were infants. Fear is actually important because fear protects us. (he was shocked by this one!) It helps sense danger, and prepares to deal with it if we have to. Fear helps us be careful in our surroundings and made good choices.

When we sense fear, the brain reacts instantly. When fear is triggered, it causes a faster heartbeat, rapid breathing, and an increase in heart rate. Our body is getting ready to either to fight the danger, or run from the danger. This turns off once our body senses that it’s all clear, that there is no more danger. I encouraged him to notice his body and its reactions as sometimes that is noticeable before you can even name the fear consciously. We talked about how often, when we name the emotion, it stops having so much control of our bodies. Our neocortex regains control and the brain’s emotional centre starts to settle down.

I asked my son how he felt now that he knows fear is natural and that the brain is programmed to notice it and help protect us.  He said, “Better. Not as scared”. I asked him why. He answered, “because I talked to you”. So I congratulated him. “Well done. You noticed the fear. You faced the fear. You took action to deal with the fear. That’s all any of us can do”. He ended with, “Is that what you mean by “face the fear and do it anyway”. It is indeed dude. It is indeed.